Rules for Summer Feet

This goes around about this time every year and I still laugh every time I read it.
Rule for Summer Feet

1.  I  promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang
over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the
sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

 2.  I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and
 chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

 3.  I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and
yellow. (my husband calls these hooves)

 4.  I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

 5.  I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed
 girlfriend/co-worker/mother/sister tells me the toe seam really will
 stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

 6.  If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into
 place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it --
no matter how much it hurts.

 7.  I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend
 Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

 8. I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low,
low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids'
 sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others.
 No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would
hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

 9.  I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes
 swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

 10.  I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/co-worker when
 she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell
 her that her toes look like they've been dragged behind her car on the way
 to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good.

 11.  I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.
 
12.  I will promise to go to my local beauty school at least once per
 season and have a real pedicure (they are about $20 and worth EVERY
 penny).
 I say spend another $20.00 and get an even better one.
 And finally . . .

 13. I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show
 signs of wear . . . nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals ...